Archive for July, 2009
Jul
13
I’ve been having a very hard time lately with all the goodbyes that are necessary at this point in our lives. We left all our family and friends behind to come to this foreign land. I haven’t seen most of my family in 2 years, and have nieces and nephews and cousins I’ve never met. There’s a family reunion this weekend, and a 90th birthday party for my grandma that we are unable to attend due to distance and finances. I’m so thankful for facebook, which lets me keep in touch with all those back home. Yet at the same time, it is SO hard to see all the pictures of new babies, kids getting older, all my family members having a great time at the reunion… It’s a constant reminder that those we love are going on without us. Their children will quite possibly never know who we are. This really grieves my heart.
I am one who places deep value on people and relationships. I long to keep these close relationships for life. I SO want to put down roots. Plant myself right next to those I love so that we and our children can grow old together. That is one of my deepest desires. This has all resurfaced as I had to say goodbye to yet another friend this weekend. I love DTS. We are building such great relationships here and I am so thankful for that! However, every spring we have to say goodbye to them as they graduate and move on to where God has called them. This sucks.
This morning I decided to stop avoiding bringing this up with the Lord. For some reason I’ve never brought this hurt to Him. I think because I knew what He would say. He went a little farther than I thought He would however, and I’m left with hope. I’ve heard myself saying lately “there’s always heaven.” to people as we say goodbye, or I realize I won’t be seeing them for a very long time. It wasn’t a sincere statement on my part, just a little bitterness seeping through.
This morning, He helped me remember what I’m here for. My whole purpose in life is to lead people to a growing relationship with Him. If He allowed me to have my heart’s desire and put down roots, I know deep down that I would forfeit my call. He gently reminded me of my sarcastic “there’s always heaven.” He showed me that my deepest longing will be fulfilled… in eternity. We are vapors here, passing through so swiftly. I will gladly spend my brief time on this earth showing others the way to the Savior. There is nothing more important than that!
As painful as the temporary goodbyes are, I will continue to love, and fully invest in the lives of the people in my life today… even if they’ll be gone tomorrow. Roots will have to wait.